Before and after
Here are some before-and-after examples of legal and business writing. If you want to suggest an improvement, we invite you to post your own rewrite on the Simplified blog.
|Long and complex||Clear and concise|
|Sentence from a will:|
|I, the undersigned, hereby revoke, cancel and annul all and any wills, testamentary dispositions and codicils heretofore made by me.||I cancel all earlier wills.|
|Credit card terms:|
|The cardholder shall have several general obligations for the carriage and/or usage of the credit card hereinbefore mentioned. It shall not permitted for any other person, whether known to the cardholder or not, to use or attempt to use the credit card and it is the cardholder’s express obligation to ensure that there is no unauthorised use of the credit card. The cardholder shall have a duty to ensure the credit card is retained in a safe and secure place at all times and further to ensure the Personal Identification Number (hereinafter referred to as the PIN Number) is kept private at all times, subject to the provision that the PIN Number shall be kept separate from the credit card at all times and further that it shall not be left in any place where an unauthorized person may gain access to it. The cardholder’s signature shall be affixed to the reverse side of the credit card forthwith upon receipt thereof, provided that such signature shall be in ink.|
Your duties for using the credit card
1. Only you may use the card. You must
2. When you receive the card, you must
3. Keep the card in a safe place. Keep
|Because it is important to remember the limited attentional resources, you should use words and sentence structures that establish distance sparingly.||Readers become bored quickly, so write in a way that connects with them.|
|Excerpt from a letter to shareholders:|
|Despite inherent structural problems (as aforementioned), we believe that the |
SRO-system is highly valuable subject to effective macro-level oversight by the regulatory authority and internal systems such as governance and funding structures that function to manage the inherent weaknesses as mentioned herein.
|The model of a self-regulatory organisation (SRO) works well where: |
- a regulator oversees the organisation
- internal systems are set up to manage
potential problems of self-regulation.
(These are explained in section 1.1)
|Promoting products and services:|
|We are embarking upon a strategic effort that is focused around engineering a paradigm shift towards cost-based benchmarking of services as well as the reality-checking of each and every one of our products to ensure that it offers functional benefits.||Our services give value for money. Our products will work for you.|
Your life policy guide may be ceded. Cessions are permitted at benefit and at policy levels and separately for each life assured. Please note that no cession will be valid unless the cession is recorded by the life insurance company and confirmed in a written format.
Should the life insured’s entire policy or a portion of your policy be ceded to another person, the cessionary will be paid out before any nominated beneficiaries. Beneficiaries need not be aware of or give any consent to the ceding of a policy.
You may hand over your rights
You may hand over your rights in this insurance policy to a third party. (This is known in law as a cession.)
When you hand over your rights, the person you hand them to will be paid out before or instead of your chosen beneficiaries. You do not have to tell your beneficiaries or get their consent if you hand over your rights in this way.
You may hand over your rights:
• in this insurance policy as a whole, or
• in any one or more of the benefits
You must tell us when you agree to hand over your rights. Any contract to hand over rights is valid only when we confirm in writing that we have recorded it.
Disclosure clause :
|All and any breaches of any warranty or any non-disclosure of any information by myself or my dependants relevant to the assessment of the aforementioned application will render my membership null and void, and all and any contributions paid by me will be forfeited.|
Tell us all relevant information
You understand that if you do not tell us everything about yourself and your dependants that is relevant to this application, we may:
• cancel this agreement immediately
• keep any contributions you have paid.
|Charges: Finance charges are calculated on a daily balance and compounded monthly on the due date of the instalment. In the case of non-payment or late payment, additional finance charges shall be charged. The Borrower shall furnish a debit order in respect of any amount payable hereunder. |
Legal: The Borrower shall be liable for all collections incurred in enforcing payment of any amount owing hereunder, including, inter alia, legal costs.
Pre-agreement: The Borrower is entitled to delay signature of this contract by five (5) business days, to consider the proposed loan agreement. If the Borrower elects to enter into the agreement with the Lender, the agreement should be concluded at or below the interest rate and costs initially quoted. The Borrower has the right to enter into the loan agreement at any stage prior to the lapse of the five (5) day period.
You have five days to make up your mind
You have five working days to decide if you want to enter into this loan agreement with us. Until the five days are up, we will not increase the interest rate or costs given in this agreement.
You must pay by debit order
If you decide to enter into this agreement, you must pay all amounts by debit order.
You must pay charges each month
We calculate charges daily and add them each month on the date the payment is due.
If you do not pay or if you pay late
You must pay extra charges if we do not receive your payment on time. You are responsible for all costs, including legal costs, of collecting any late payments.